Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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