then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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