someone get that fucking seahorse.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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