if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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