My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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