Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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