problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
