There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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