This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
