Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
