First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
