I can text with my tongue
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
