FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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