Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
