If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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