I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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