Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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