Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
