I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
