Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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