Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
