Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
