I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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