I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
