I CAN MOONWALK!
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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