i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
