were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize