I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
