We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
