she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
