i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
