smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
