Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize