Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
