allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
