We're like a lot better than the average bears
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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