I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
