I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
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