I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
