i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
