Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
