Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Randomize
