if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize