The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
