forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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