party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Come on in and take your pants off
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize