Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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