I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
