I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
