I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
