I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
