Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
