I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
