i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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