Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
