I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
