Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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