Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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