im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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