White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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