Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
