he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
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