Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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