i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Let's paint friendship bongs
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
