Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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