You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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