one might say we're banned from that church
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
