I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
