Where are you?
In a non slutty way
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
