"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
