i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
