I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
