if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
