kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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