Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
