I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
worst night to have a conscience
they call him Oral-B. enough said
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
