I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
